What is a toxic person? – Identify 9 typologies and cope with their toxicity

WHAT IS A TOXIC PERSON? – A person who consistently exhibits negative behaviors or attitudes toward others, such as emotional and mental draining, manipulation, aggression, or criticism, to name a few, qualifies as a toxic person.

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WHAT IS A TOXIC PERSON

Have you ever had to deal with someone who always seems to bring negativity into your life in one form or another?

Someone who always causes distress, confusion, and frustration?

Pushes your buttons, stretches your nerves, and sucks the life out of you?

If Yes, is your answer, you may be dealing with a toxic person.

Being around this kind of person can drain the energy and enthusiasm of anyone, hindering a positive outlook and personal goal orientation.

Is always looking for reasons to criticize and constantly find ways to put their target down and make it feel inadequate by questioning their capabilities and sanity.

The criticisms of a toxic person are never about helping their targets but rather about making them feel small and controlling how they think, feel, and act. They are done in subtle, passive-aggressive ways, making it difficult for victims to challenge them directly.

A toxic individual can be present within various social circles among family members, friends, coworkers, or acquaintances. It is essential to recognize the signs and understand their characteristics to help you identify them and take steps for protective measures.

Because when you let a toxic person make you feel miserable, they do it with your permission. In reality, it is not about their toxicity but about you and how you choose to manage every situation of conflict, anger, and interpersonal relationships.

Personal accountability is the real key here! So, stop pointing fingers at someone else, and start changing your communication and approaches.

WHY TOXIC PEOPLE ARE TOXIC

Toxic behavior can stem from varied and complex psychological factors, such as unresolved childhood trauma, fragile self-esteem, and self-worth, physical or verbal abuse, a lack of empathy for others, or mental health issues.

Some people may have undergone past trauma or abuse, using their toxicity as a defense mechanism. Their trauma can lead to a negative outlook on life and challenges in building healthy relationships.

Others may struggle with mental health issues which lead to manipulative, controlling, and harmful behavior toward others.

Most often, toxic people have low self-esteem that makes them feel insecure around others, so they create drama to seem strong than those around them.

They might create accusations or conflicts to feel powerful in a situation they cannot handle. Often, their drama is directed toward other people so they do not have to deal with the emotional pain of their own lives.

Toxic people feel devoid of love but manage to convince themselves they are doing good for the world by caring for others, which is why it is no surprise when those around them begin to feel exhausted by the drama and stress they always seem to bring.

The people who are toxic in their social or personal relationships are emotionally unavailable individuals with narcissistic tendencies who typically have a history of being abused or neglected as children.

There are various factors at play why these people may end up this way.

But also consider their relationships with the people close to them to understand the messages they send and why they have the behavior. In most cases, these relationships hold the key to their toxicity.

Important to remember is that toxic behavior is not always intentional.

In many cases, some people may not realize the impact of their actions on others simply because they have lived this way for so long that it has become normal behavior.

The psychology behind toxic behavior can help understand the type of person you are dealing with, but that is no excuse for their harmful actions!

9 TYPOLOGIES OF TOXIC PEOPLE

There are several types of toxic people, often difficult to spot at first glance. But if you pay attention to how they speak, act, and make you feel, it can be easier to identify them and protect yourself from their negative impact to preserve your mental health and well-being.

DISCLAIMER: – The information provided in this article is not to serve as a medical diagnosis. Instead, we aim to use it to educate and provide insight into real-life situations in which you may encounter these typologies.

Below are some of the most common types of toxic people, each with its characteristics:

THE MANIPULATOR

Manipulator is a term used to describe someone who seeks to control and dominate others through deceptive tactics.

This individual has a strong desire for power and is highly skilled at manipulating others to achieve his goals. He may twist the truth, use guilt or fear, or play mind games to get his way.

There are different types of manipulators ranging from overtly aggressive to covertly subtle.

Some manipulators use intimidation and threats to get their way, while others rely on charm, flattery, and emotional manipulation to control others.

One of the traits of a manipulator is his ability to disguise his true intentions and feelings.

He may seem friendly and warm on the surface, but underneath, he is calculating and strategic in his actions, making it difficult for others to recognize his true face.

Manipulator often preys on those who are vulnerable or easily influenced. He may target individuals who are insecure, anxious, or lacking in confidence.

By exploiting their weaknesses, the manipulator can gain control over the individuals and use them for his purposes.

Another common tactic he uses is gaslighting which involves twisting the truth and distorting reality to make the victims doubt their perceptions and beliefs.

By creating confusion and uncertainty, the manipulator can maintain his hold over the victims and continue to control them.

Using guilt, shame, and blame, he makes his victims feel responsible for their mistreatment and, using the silent treatment punishes them for not complying with his demands.

Being aware of the signs and symptoms can protect you from his influence. These may include:

• Regularly lie or distorts the truth to suit his needs
• Make you feel guilty, ashamed, or obligated to do what he wants
• Use passive-aggressive behavior to manipulate you
• Often he plays a victim and refuses to take responsibility for his actions
• He tries to isolate you from friends and family
• Has a history of unstable relationships and friendships
• Use your fears and insecurities against you
• Make you doubt your thoughts and feelings.

Being around him may make you feel used or exploited, causing you to constantly be on the defensive. So, coping with Manipulator behavior can be challenging, but there are a few steps you can take to protect yourself.

The manipulator thrives on drama and conflict, so avoid engaging in games or arguments with him, as he may use this opportunity to manipulate you further. Stay calm and rational, and do not let him push your buttons.

“I feel very anxious.”

“He makes me angry.”

“I cannot stand the situation anymore.”

All these are admissions that you have lost your power and the other person is gaining it over you. So, leash your temper, and never take toxic behavior personally.

The happier you are and less affected by his influence, the crappier he will become!

Set boundaries. Establish clear boundaries and stick to them. Let the toxic manipulator know what behaviors are unacceptable and what consequences there will be if he continues with them.

Focus on self-care. Taking care of yourself is essential when dealing with a toxic person. Practice self-care activities, such as exercise, yoga, meditation, or hobbies that bring joy and help you cope with any situation differently.

If you ever feel manipulated, seek support from people who can help you deal with your situation, and minimize your interaction with the manipulator if required.

Additionally, it may be helpful to seek professional assistance from a therapist or counselor if the situation becomes complicated.

Consider cutting ties. In many cases, the best way to cope with a manipulator is to cut ties completely. It may be the best option if the toxic behavior is causing you significant stress and harm and the situation gets out of hand.

In conclusion, remember that it is not your responsibility to change him. Your priority and focus are your sanity and well-being, so do whatever it takes to protect them!

THE NARCISSIST

One of the most notable traits of a narcissist is his inflated sense of self-importance and the intense need for admiration and attention from others. He will go to great lengths to receive them.

He believes he is extraordinary and should be treated specially. Often inflates his accomplishments and abilities and even creates fictional tales to enhance his image.

The most troubling aspect of a narcissist is the lack of empathy, being unable to understand or care about the feelings of others, and often even enjoying causing them pain.

The Narcissist can be charming and charismatic, but this is just a mask he wears to hide his true intentions. As an expert at playing mind games, he makes his victims question their sanity.

He may get angry quickly or become emotionally distant when his needs are not consummate, making it difficult for others to maintain relationships with him.

The Narcissist may also struggle with insecurity and fear of abandonment. He may become defensive when he feels threatened or criticized, creating a toxic cycle of behavior, not so easy to break.

There are several warning signs to look out for to pinpoint someone in your life as a narcissist:

• Constantly seeking attention and praise, becoming angry or defensive when he does not get it.
• Has a strong sense of entitlement, expecting special treatment. He thinks he is above the rules that apply to others.
• He is highly critical of others, even when he makes mistakes.
• Lacks empathy or understanding of the feelings of others.
• He may be prone to extreme mood swings and react with anger or hostility when he feels challenged or criticized.

To deal with a narcissist, you must set boundaries and be assertive in your interactions with him to prioritize your own needs.

So, focus on protecting yourself and finding supportive relationships outside the toxic dynamic.

Avoid getting drawn into his drama, and do not give in to his demands for attention or constant validation.

You may also want to consider seeking a therapist or counselor who can help you navigate the complex dynamics of a relationship with a narcissist and develop strategies for coping with his behavior.

Remember, narcissism is a complex and destructive personality trait that impacts individuals and those around them. It is unlikely that you will be able to change this behavior.

But, with the right tools and support, in the process, it is possible to control how you respond to maintain a healthy relationship and how to prioritize your well-being.

Also, you might like: The Understanding Narcissism Summit

THE DRAMATIC

The Dramatic is a person who thrives on creating constant drama in his life and the lives of those around him. He tends to exaggerate the events only to get noticed and generate a sense of excitement or importance.

Often, he is seen as the center of attention and will do whatever it takes to maintain that position by creating conflict, spreading rumors, or playing a victim to gain sympathy.

This behavior can be draining and exhausting for those caught in his orbit.

One of the characteristics of the Dramatic is his lack of self-awareness because he may not realize or even care about the impact of his behavior on others.

He can be very emotional and experience extreme highs and lows, making his moods unpredictable. He may also be prone to outbursts of anger or tears, which can be uncomfortable for those around him.

Warning signs like reference include feeling caught up in his drama, drained or exhausted after spending time with him, or feeling like you always have to walk on eggshells around him.

The behavior of The Dramatic is not a reflection of you or your actions. He is responsible for his behavior, and it is up to him to make changes to have healthy interpersonal relationships.

He needs to recognize the impact of his behavior on those around him and take steps to manage his emotions constructively.

Through mindfulness and cognitive-behavioral techniques, he may benefit by developing emotional regulation skills.

Through therapy, he can learn healthier ways to communicate and seek attention.

Your coping mechanisms could include remaining objective when dealing with his drama and avoiding getting caught up in his emotional roller coaster.

Another approach is to set boundaries and limit your interactions with the person. Surround yourself with positive and supportive people, and with patience and persistence, you can learn to navigate the drama and maintain your sense of peace and happiness.

THE CRITICIZER

The Criticizer is a person who is always quick to find fault in everything you do and will never hesitate to point out your mistakes, flaws, and shortcomings.

He thrives on negativity and can leave you drained, anxious, and demotivated with diminished self-esteem.

One of the key characteristics of The Criticizer is his need to control. He has unrealistic expectations of himself and others with the need to control every aspect of his life, including the people around him.

He often uses sarcasm or belittling language to undermine others and make himself feel superior. Because he has a deep insecurity sense, he uses criticism to mask his shortcomings.

Another characteristic of The Criticizer is his lack of empathy. He tends to be cold and distant and does not often consider the feelings of others. He may come across as harsh or uncaring, making it difficult to have a healthy relationship with him.

Be aware that his critical behavior does not reflect your worth or value!

His criticisms say more about him than it does about you. They are often irrational and based on his insecurities, and you are not responsible for them.

While it can be hard to deal with his constant negativity and criticism, below are some tips that will come in handy whenever you find yourself in the sight of The Criticizer.

Use assertive communication. Speak up for yourself calmly and confidently, and do not allow yourself to be bullied or intimidated.

Another way to cope with The Criticizer is to set boundaries. Let it be crystal clear that his constant criticisms are not helpful and that you need space.

You do not have to tolerate his behavior or engage with him if he continues to behave in a toxic manner. It is okay to distance yourself if necessary.

Focus on the facts. When criticizing you, ignore the personal attack, and focus on the specific problem pointed out.

The Criticizer can get angry or defensive if you question his criticism because he might have rigid thinking, unwilling to consider other perspectives.

Rely on the positive and self-care to protect your physical and emotional health. Surround yourself with people who uplift you and engage in activities that raise your vibrational state.

Focus on your strengths and accomplishments and not let his negativity get you down, no matter what he throws at you.

Seek support. Consider talking to a trusted friend or therapist who can provide emotional support and guidance to cope with the Criticizer toxic person.

THE VICTIM

The toxic individual who plays the role of a victim views himself as powerless and dependent on others for constant validation and attention. He may struggle to care for himself and fear being alone or unsupported. Additionally, he may frequently express self-pity and complain about his situation and misfortunes yet refuse to change his circumstances.

He plays the victim card to elicit sympathy or guilt from others, and he may use emotional blackmail to get his way.

The Victim-toxic person believes the entire world is against him and tends to amplify his problems or blame others for his difficulties. This behavior can be frustrating for those around him, as he is not being accountable for his actions.

Another characteristic of The Victim is his negative attitude. He often focuses on the negative aspects of a situation rather than looking for solutions. This negativity can be contagious and bring down the mood of those around him.

The Victim-toxic person tends to be self-centered. He may only think about his problems and not the needs or feelings of others, making it difficult to have a constructive conversation with him, as he may not be willing to see things from another angle.

He creates a sense of blame on you for his troubles while constantly relying on you to solve them, and this behavior is not healthy or sustainable for anyone involved.

If you are in a relationship with The Victim, you must set healthy boundaries and avoid enabling his behavior. While it is natural to want to help someone in need, it is crucial to recognize when someone is taking advantage of you and assert your needs and boundaries.

The Victim-toxic person may need professional help to break free from behavior patterns and develop healthier coping mechanisms.

In the meantime, prioritize your well-being and safety and seek support from friends, family, or a therapist to help you navigate the situation and develop a plan for moving forward.

THE GOSSIP

Gossipers thrive on spreading rumors, secrets, and lies to manipulate and control others, with harmful effects on individuals and relationships.

This individual tends to be unhappy and may resort to this behavior to fill a void in his life and cope with his insecurities and low self-esteem.

Gossiping allows him to twist, distort, or manipulate the truth to suit his needs and agenda, which can result in misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and damaged relationships.

You can find him in any setting: from the workplace to social gatherings. He may be a coworker, friend, family member, or neighbor.

Below are some characteristics of The Gossiper-toxic person and ways to cope with him:

Characteristics:

• Enjoy stirring up drama and creating conflict through his behavior.
• Show a lack of empathy and fails to consider how he may affect the feelings or reputation of others.
• Exhibits insecurity and spreads rumors to boost his self-esteem or attract attention.
• Tends to disregard boundaries discussing personal matters with others or revealing confidential information.

Warning signs:

• Frequently talks negatively about others behind their backs
• He knows personal details about others that he should not
• Try to involve you in his behavior or drama
• He is charming and friendly at first but can turn on you if you do not go along with his behavior

Coping with The Gossip-toxic person:

• Avoid engaging in gossiping behavior or listen to it. Send a clear message that you do not condone this behavior.
• Set boundaries. If a toxic gossiper tries to involve you in his drama, politely tell him you are not interested in discussing other personal lives.
• Confront him. If he is a friend or family member, have an honest conversation about how his behavior affects you and others.
• When dealing with a toxic gossiper, it is essential to prioritize your well-being by focusing on your own life and goals. Do not allow his negative behavior to impact your self-esteem.
• Have positive relationships. Surround yourself with people who uplift and support you rather than those who engage in gossiping behavior.
• Seek professional help. If toxic gossiping affects your mental health or relationships, consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor.

Identify toxic gossipers and take necessary action to deal with their harmful behavior. Establish boundaries, avoid gossip, and prioritize healthy and positive relationships to cultivate a happier social environment.

THE NEGATIVIST

The Negativist describes someone who consistently exhibits a negative attitude toward life and those around him. Such individuals may have a pessimistic outlook and frequently complain, blame, and criticize others.

One of the characteristics of The Negativist is his tendency to complain about everything. He often focuses on the negative aspects of a situation rather than the positive. This negative attitude can be draining for those around him and can bring down the mood of an entire group.

The Negativist tends to avoid responsibility and blame others for his problems, creating a toxic environment where everyone is constantly on the defense.

If you want to deal with The Negativist, it can be helpful to comprehend the root of his behavior. He may have encountered demanding life events or underlying mental health concerns that lead to his negative attitude. You could interact with him more empathetically and compassionately by grasping his outlook.

Another approach is to set clear boundaries around what you will and do not tolerate to The Negativist. If his negativity brings you down, limit your interactions and control how much time and energy you devote to him.

Practice self-care when you deal with a Negativist. His negative attitude can be draining, so take care of yourself physically and emotionally by getting enough sleep, eating well, and engaging in positive activities.

THE GASLIGHTER

Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that can cause significant long-lasting effects on the victim’s mental health. The Gaslighter person manipulates the victim’s perception of reality by denying or distorting the truth, leading the victim to doubt their judgment and memory. They may develop anxiety, depression, or struggle with self-doubt.

A gaslighter uses different tactics.

He may deny saying or doing something that the victim remembers clearly, or he may accuse his victim of being overly sensitive or irrational.

A Gaslighter uses isolation as a tool to control his victims. He may try to cut his victim off from friends and family, or he may try to make his victim financially dependent on him. This isolation makes it harder for the victim to seek help or support from outside sources.

He may use intimidation, threats, or even physical violence to keep his victims in line. He may also use love bombing, which involves showering his victim with affection and attention to create a sense of dependency.

Here are some characteristics of a gaslighter and some tips on how to cope with him:

The Characteristics of a Gaslighter:

• Lies frequently and convincingly.
• Denies his behaviors and actions, even when there is clear evidence.
• Shifts the blame onto others for his own mistakes and shortcomings.
• Uses vague or confusing language to avoid accountability.
• Twist the truth to suit his own needs and desires.
• Creates chaos and drama to distract from his behavior.

How to Cope with a Gaslighter:

• Trust your instincts. If you feel that something is not right, it probably isn’t.
• Record his behavior. Documenting his lies and inconsistencies can help you stay grounded in reality.
• Set boundaries with a Gaslighter. Tell him what behaviors you do not accept and stick to your statements.
• If you suspect you are a victim of gaslighting, seek help from a trusted source, friend, family member, or mental health professional to provide a healthy perspective and validation. Gaslighters are skilled at manipulating their victims, so breaking free from their influence on your own can be difficult.
• Practice self-care. Gaslighting can be draining and anxiety-inducing, so prioritize your well-being.
• Consider ending the relationship. If the gaslighter is a close friend or family member, it may be hard to end the relationship, but it may be necessary for your mental health and safety.

Remember, you have the right to a healthy and respectful relationship. Don’t let a gaslighter make you doubt your reality or self-worth.

THE BACKSTABBER

A backstabber is a deceitful person who appears loyal and trustworthy but spreads rumors, lies, and disinformation behind your back to harm your reputation and relationships.

One of the main characteristics of a backstabber is duplicity.

A Backstabber is highly skilled at appearing trustworthy and friendly but lacks authenticity and sincerity. He often uses flattery and compliments to gain your trust and confidence, but after, he uses this knowledge against you to manipulate and control your behavior or to sabotage your success.

Another characteristic of a backstabber is his tendency to gossip and spread rumors. He often uses his social networks to create chaos and confusion and his power and influence to turn others against or to damage your reputation in subtle and insidious ways.

To cope with a backstabber, you must confront him directly and assertively without becoming aggressive or emotional. You can calmly explain how his behavior affects you and ask him to stop.

You can also set clear boundaries and expectations for how you want to be treated and hold the backstabber accountable for his actions.

Additionally, it can be helpful to practice self-care and stress management techniques, such as meditation, exercise, and therapy. These strategies can help you stay calm and centered in the face of the backstabber’s toxic behavior and can also help you build resilience and strength for future challenges.

You may need to distance yourself from the person and develop a support system of friends and family who can provide emotional and practical support.

By recognizing his behavior and motives, confronting him assertively, and practicing self-care and stress management techniques, you can overcome the impact of a backstabber and build a more positive and supportive environment for yourself.

FINAL THOUGHTS TO TAKE AWAY…

Think about any person in your life and answer three questions:

1. What kind of effect does this person have on you?
2. How would you describe this person in a few words?
3. Do you like who you are around this person?

After reading this article, I hope you know how to identify toxic people, understand their motives and intentions, and deal with them calmly and assertively. Don’t let their toxicity hold you back – use the strategies and learn techniques to stand up for yourself effectively. You now have the power to make choices and take action.

But if you decide to spend less time with toxic people or cut them out completely, it is all right without feeling guilty. If this is the last resort to keep your sanity and well-being intact, do it without remorse.

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Till next time…

When someone offers you their toxicity as a gift, refuse the gift!

Diana O. Debreczeni

Founder of Dare&Be.