No one likes to be around someone who lacks self-confidence, and it’s especially hard to attract success in all aspects of life when you don’t believe in yourself. Lack of self-confidence is detrimental to your mental health, social life, and career decisions, to name only a few. If you are one of those people who do not believe in themselves, then this article will show you how to build self-confidence with 10 simple tips that will work wonders for you.
Before debating the topic of the article, let’s see what self-confidence is and why it has a significant impact on our lives.
WHAT IS SELF-CONFIDENCE AND WHY IT IS IMPORTANT
Self-confidence is a key component, one of the six important facets of emotional intelligence, and can be described as a correlation between self-belief (one’s ability or judgment) and the expectation of others.
Studies have shown that people with high self-confidence are more persuasive and better equipped to confidently pursue their goals and to handle challenges in life such as work deadlines, public speaking skills, or making decisions that require risk-taking.
On the other hand, people with a lack of self-confidence think that they are not good enough, and they are excessively critical of themselves, facts that lead to feelings of inadequacy and shame.
As a result, they have limitations in taking risks or pursuing their goals just for fear of failure. This leads to an unhealthy cycle that pushes them further into the abyss of mistrust.
A JOURNEY TOWARD A MORE CONFIDENT YOU!
Self-confidence is a skill that can be trained, honed, and mastered, and sometimes all you need is just a little push to start.
Easily increase your self-confidence with our 10 tips and be proud of who you are, no matter what flaws you see in the mirror.
ADJUSTS YOUR PHYSIOLOGY
The mirror is not known for being kind when it comes to making people feel good about themselves. It’s designed to show you what you look like in all the most unflattering ways possible.
A recent study found that women with low self-confidence spend an average of 5 minutes in front of the mirror every time they are getting ready before going out, whereas women with high self-confidence spend an average of only 2 minutes in front of the mirror.
The simple key to producing a powerful state of self-confidence is to make subtle adjustments to your posture.
• Square your shoulders, and let them fall down and back.
• Pull your chest up, and keep your spine straight
• Hold your head and look up
• Adjust your facial muscles
• Keep your chin up parallel to the floor
• Let the weight of your body fall towards the ground.
Put a big smile on your face, and you are ready to go.
Give it a try! Put yourself in a confident posture, and you will see how a simple shift in your physiology will make all the difference whenever needed.
HAVE YOUR SELF-CONFIDENCE AT YOUR FINGERTIPS
We all know the feeling of having no confidence in ourselves no matter how successful we are.
That self-confidence seems to leave us completely at certain moments, maybe when we have a very important meeting or presentation, a hot date, a speech to hold, or a confrontation with our boss.
If we have complete confidence in one area of our lives, we may not have it in others. Unfortunately, we are not born with self-confidence, but we have the power to learn to master it and to have it literally at our fingertips.
And here comes into play for an instant fix, NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), which is known as a form of psychotherapy that focuses on modifying thoughts, feelings, and behavior to improve mental health and well-being.
That is why, many people turn to NLP as a way to help them with their confidence levels.
While studying NLP, I was surprised to see that the stereotype known to most, that of doing therapy and providing solutions only in the long run, is no longer valid, and an instant solution can be available to anyone.
The NLP technique can be the solution for you.
It takes a holistic approach to self-confidence and provides an “NLP anchor” that could be a simple gesture, or an object, that you will associate with feeling confident.
But it should be something that is always with you, or you can access it whenever you need to feel confident and elevate your performance.
Let’s try now. We will create a “confidence anchor” based on a simple but powerful gesture. The simplicity of this exercise has fascinated me, and putting it into practice has had an even greater impact.
Let’s get started!
• Close your eyes if you wish to make the experience more vivid.
• Bring to mind a real memory of when you felt completely at peace with yourself. Calm, relaxed, satisfied, with no worries or anxiety.
• Lose yourself in that moment, and make it all clear as much as you can, as you were back there.
• Intensify the feeling by putting you back inside of your own body in the memory, as you see, hear, and feel, through all your senses.
• Give the necessary time to see with the eyes of mind the whole image, not as a witness, but living in memory.
• Once you do that, you notice that the feeling of being at peace becomes almost real.
• Breath calm confidence, and when you are at the peak of that intense feeling, squeeze the tips of your left thumb and index finger together and held for about 3 seconds. 3…2…1…
• Now release your finger and thumb, and open your eyes.
What you just did was create an NLP anchor, and you should feel an echo of that peaceful feeling in your body. Being in peace with yourself is confidence, and this can be your secret weapon to use every time you need a dose of it.
IMPROVE YOUR INNER DIALOG
We all have an inner dialog as we think about things, whether we are aware of it or not. It’s the voice in our head, the companion that can be our best friend or worst enemy. This voice is also called self-talk, and it plays a major role in our quality of life.
Negative self-talk is common for people with low self-esteem and confidence, which affects their careers, friendships, relationships, and overall happiness.
But this dialog does not have to be a negative one. You can talk back to the negative thoughts in your mind, so they don’t take over. With self-talk, you can create positive thoughts about who you are and what you want out of life.
These thoughts must be things that align with your values and beliefs for them to work effectively. Your thoughts influence your beliefs, and your beliefs influence your actions.
I know it is not easy to switch from negative thoughts to positive ones, that is why I am going to tell you a simple trick that I also suggest for controlling anger.
You can use a physical cue, a rubber band, which you can wear permanently around your wrist. Every time an unwanted thought invades your mind, pull on the rubber band and then release it to tap your wrist gently, but to feel that snap.
This simple gesture sends a message to your unconscious mind, as an awakening from the negative thought to the present moment. And now is the best time to replace it with a positive thought.
You certainly have people around you who are constantly telling you that you can’t do it. Why not be the one to tell you that you can?
IMAGINE YOUR CONFIDENT FUTURE SELF
Imagination can be a powerful mental trigger in self-development, especially when it is positive and empowering.
Imagining being in the future and being confident about who you are, gives you a sense of control, and helps you to see your potential when you feel low on confidence.
The more often you imagine your future self as you want to be, the sooner it will become reality.
This mental trigger is also used by company employees, athletes, and self-helpers to increase motivation and self-confidence in themselves and others.
Why not use it for yourself?
Now, I want you to imagine…
What would your confident future self say to you right now?
What has happened to make your future self so confident?
How did your future self get there?
Your confident future self is just an idea of what could be possible for you in the future, and maybe the answer is already inside of you.
As a child, you likely dreamed of becoming a princess or superhero. As an adult, you sometimes tell yourself that you are not good enough to become the person you would like to be.
But what if you could just imagine your future self and then take it from there?
Imagine that confident and happy future person and then let he/she inspire and motivate you to do the things that will help you get wherever you want.
USE THE POWER OF SUBLIMINAL MESSAGES
As you have seen so far, there are many ways to build or improve your self-confidence. One of them includes positive affirmations, that train your brain and help you encourage yourself with positive thoughts and beliefs.
They boost self-confidence and self-esteem by repeating particular phrases or words that have a positive meaning.
Words have power in your subconscious brain which means that when you speak them out loud they start generating vibrations in your mouth and throat area, eventually making their way down to the brain where they are stored.
Affirmations usually take the form of “I am confident!”, ” I can do it!”, or “I am beautiful inside and out!”, which is repeated over the long term, creates subconscious changes in your mind.
But there is a technique that can make the use of positive affirmations even more effective, especially in a short amount of time.
I am talking about subliminal messages that are designed in such a way that the message is processed automatically in the subconscious mind without additional effort on your part.
This makes it easier to change your mindsets, and to give you new perspectives without making a conscious effort.
Subliminal messages are typically delivered using audio recordings that contain phrases that are spoken at a low volume (or behind the music) and repeated many times.
These covert messages can be played in the night while you sleep, in the background while you work, or in the morning when you wake up to help you start your day with a positive and confident attitude.
If you are interested in the topic, you can find out more details in this article Real Subliminal Overwrite Your Beliefs
BE THE PUZZLE PIECE OF THE WORLD AROUND YOU
It has been proven that social activities build up self-confidence, which is why, it is important to take time out of your day to interact more with other people socially.
It will not only increase your self-confidence but will also make you realize that you are not alone in your insecurities and that people care about you.
There are many social activities that you can partake in, and you should find out which ones you enjoy doing the most and focus on them.
Maybe you like to:
• Attend lectures or take part in cultural events.
• Join a club or partake in an activity that you are interested in.
• Participate in group activities with friends or family members.
• Play sports and do physical activities.
• Practice gratitude.
• Volunteer.
When you exercise, especially with friends, it increases self-confidence and overall well-being by releasing endorphins into the body which make you feel better about who you are. Not to mention improving your physical appearance.
If you want to be part of something bigger than yourself, to make a difference in your life, then you should volunteer.
Volunteering offers many benefits which include giving back and building relationships with like-minded individuals. It is an excellent way to feel like you have made a meaningful contribution to your local area and the world around you.
DEVELOP A GROWTH MINDSET
Self-confidence is a slippery thing to grasp. It can be a fleeting feeling, and it can also be a long-term mindset.
The way you think about your capabilities affects how you do in life. The more you believe that your limitations are carved in stone, the less likely you are to explore a variety of opportunities and new ways of thinking.
This is generally the case for people with a “fixed mindset” which tends to be more conservative and self-protective.
They believe that they have only a set of skills that cannot be changed, which is why they avoid challenges and new situations that might threaten their sense of being smart or capable. For them, the difficulties are signs of flaws or inadequacy.
In contrast, those with a “growth mentality” believe that their talents, abilities, intelligence, and personality can be developed or changed over time through the use of strategies such as education and work experience.
They see challenges as new opportunities for learning, improving, or developing new skills, so they engage in new tasks willingly.
A growth mindset is not only possible but also necessary for all people who want to live life with a well-defined purpose and achieve their goals with full confidence.
Which one are you?
It is time to reconsider your approach to building self-confidence if you are not already in a group of people with a “growth mindset”.
Keep your mind active, stretch your skills, learn something new, read self-help books, take online courses on a desired topic, learn about life hacks on youtube, or listen to self-development podcasts.
These are just a few examples, but I’m sure you got the idea.
LEARN FROM CONFIDENT ROLE MODELS
Self-confidence can be learned from confident role models, who are usually people who have had success in the past, or have in the present and feel great about themselves.
You can learn from public speakers, actors, or athletes how they act on stage or act towards reporters during interviews so they will be able to confidently speak in front of others at any time.
But the role models are not limited to celebrities and powerhouses in their fields. You can find them in people around you every day, friends, family members, neighbors, or colleagues, which can be also the best source of inspiration.
Do your best to surround yourself with positive, enthusiastic, and confident people because their power is contagious. Allow their confidence and positivism to brush off on you.
Watch them, learn from them, and identify what they do differently in their lives that convey that powerful confidence no matter what they have to deal with.
You do not need to become their copy, but learning from them and seeing what they do well will help you build self-confidence and feel more accomplished in your everyday life.
ACT YOUR CONFIDENCE
” Act the way you’d like to be and soon you’ll be the way you act!” Leonard Cohen
Even the ancient Greeks believed that “acting as if” was a powerful tool that trains the mindset and provides a strong sense of self-confidence.
Actors have to do a lot of things to look confident on-screen. They have to know how to use their body, facial expressions, and voice, and how to speak convincingly. In the same way, you can use these tricks when you are going through your day-to-day tasks.
The more you practice behaving as if you were confident, the more your brain will be tricked into believing that it is true. You will begin to feel a sense of confidence inside that will lead you to gradually do the right things automatically.
People act the way they believe they are, so if you want to be confident then act like it. This doesn’t mean you have to go around pretend-lying about your abilities but rather work on both feeling and executing confidence.
RECALL THE TIMES OF GLORY AND BE AGAIN THE CAPTAIN OF YOUR SHIP
Self-confidence is the key factor when it comes to facing challenges and making them opportunities for growth and not obstacles for failure.
You need to regain your self-confidence whenever you feel a lack of it, and the best way for this is to recall the times of your glory by reminding yourself of your strengths, skills, and achievements that you have done right in the past.
Reflect on your successes, and remember the power and good feelings you had about them. This will rekindle all your cylinders because if you had the confidence to succeed once, you can certainly find a new one for future endeavors.
Take back the control of self-confidence, and be again the captain of your ship. Know what you want in life and start pursuing it with the full power of self-confidence. Take responsibility for your actions, take initiative, and be in the power to make changes in your life as a real captain on the sea.
FINAL THOUGHTS…
I have tried to provide you with some simple and efficient tips to help you build and inspire more confidence when it comes to how you present yourself to the world.
Do you use any of these tips, or do you have your tricks?
Leave your thoughts in a comment below because it can be a source of knowledge and motivation for each of us.
Till next time…
Let Your Confidence Be The Best Outfit That You Can Wear!
~Diana O. Debreczeni ~
Founder of Dare & Be.
I think it is fair to say at some point in everyones’ life their confidence takes a hit. It could be personal or professional. The tools and techniques you provide are great for readjusting and reestablishing confidence lost, or never had. The inner dialogue is important! If your mind is not supporting your desires, then adjusting that mindscape to help your inner dialogue be productive cannot be overstated. Thanks for the info!
Hi Jay,
Thank you for your input. Indeed, in many situations it happens that the mind does not support the desires or the focus in fulfilling them.
The reason? Maybe because the desires are unrealistic, unattainable, or, in most cases, the mind is too crowded and too overworked to focus on things that really matters. In this last case, I suggest you to have a look at my last article “How to Get Mentally Unstuck” which will give you a more in-depth information.
I have always been a fairly confident person in most aspects of my life until it comes to speaking in front of people. Speaking within a small group is fine, public speaking and speaking out at meetings etc has always been awful. I’ve never really understood it, this has had an impact in my work life and whilst I was at uni( I failed assessments because I couldn’t bring myself to do a presentation) I absolutely loved this article, it was so easy to read and understand. I have bookmarked it so I can come back to some sections that I feel that I can work on.
Hi Jess, I had the same problem with public speaking a long time ago. I also knew those feelings of shortness of breath, sweaty palms, and the urge to turn back. But with a few tricks you can deal with it brilliantly. Some examples can be used even from the article.
E.g:
• Repeat at home, many times the speech loudly while walking, even adding hand movements, facial expressions and intonation.The more you repeat it in this form, the more that confident stage persona will be created. Thus the speech will take place in its natural form.
• Use positive mental imagery, involving all the senses, in which you can already imagine yourself in front of an audience to which you present your speech with confidence, easily, naturally. Try to imagine and feel in the smallest details as if it were happening at the moment.
• Also, you can use the NLP anchor that I mentioned in the article, or the subliminal messages for public speaking. And of course not to forget, act your confidence, by using confident body language.
These are just some of ideas that you can use. Just let me know how they went for you.
After reading this article I found that you touch all the aspect of how a person can build their self-confidence. You touched things which motivates a person to come out of any precarious situation he or she is in. This is quite elaborate article which help anyone if they take tips from you. I also try to motivate people to do best in their life. Those who have lost their self-confidence because of many reasons. I congratulate you Diana. Keep going. My best wishes for your future. Thanks.
Good afternoon, dr. Sunul. Thank you very much for your words of appreciation. You mentioned in the comment that you, in turn, get involved in the development and improvement of people, helping them to gain the self-confidence they have lost due to different circumstances.
I would like you to share with us your personal knowledge, and to present some of the tips, techniques, you use in this process. It will be highly appreciated. Thank you.
I think a lot of people struggle with self-confidence when they don’t fully believe in themselves. When self-doubts creep in, it can be helpful to adopt an attitude to “fake it until you make it.”
Thank you for the helpful tips as we head into a new year with hopes for a prosperous and fulfilling year!
Hello ,
With pleasure Aly. Thank you for stopping by, and I wish you a new year full of achievements and self-confidence.
It was a content that could inspire confidence in myself now that I am taking on a new challenge. Personally, I have defined myself as a person with high self-esteem and low self-esteem. It is not easily fixed, but it seems that there is no choice but to make an effort. As long as I have the will, your articles come to me as a good influence.
Thank you Minjun for stopping by. Each of us excels in self-confidence in certain areas of life and lacks in others. Ideally, we should be aware of our weaknesses, our lack of confidence, and work to improve them.
Use the tips provided in my article whenever you have to face a new challenge for which you feel a lack of self-confidence. Just let me know how it works for you.
What an enlightening piece! There are just so many powerful points you make but I’ll try not to get too carried away. In my days of Mental Health nursing I worked a lot with personality and eating disorder patients. Self worth and body image were some of the heartbreaking underlying issues to witness. Interestingly, use of mirrors had to be controlled because of this. I was reminded of this when you referred to how much time we spend in front of the mirror depending on confidence!
Self dialogue and subliminal affirmations were what resonated with me the most in your article. If we could have visibility of people’s thoughts, I wonder what we’d see. Yet we can effortlessly change this internal dialogue by feeding the psyche with empowering words.
Great work!
Hi Pam,
I appreciate your input from your comment, emphasizing your professional side as a mental health nurse. As you well know, personality disorders differ from person to person, depending on long-term patterns of functioning and symptoms.
Regardless of whether psychoanalytic therapy, cognitive-behavioral therapy, group therapy are used, they all have a main reason: to gain a perspective and knowledge about the disorder itself and its symptoms, speaking openly about thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
Hiding mirrors may be necessary in some cases as a first step in psychotherapy, but in my opinion the mirror it plays an important role in knowing, accepting, and improving reality.
Building self confidence is difficult, but it definitely makes it easier if you socialize with others and join groups and events that you enjoy, and that make you feel better about yourself. COVID also hasn’t made it easier on anyone, and may people who used to be confident have turned into recluses.
I love your advice on posture and how to stand to help you feel more confident. Practicing gratitude is also something all of us should be doing, as by doing this you realize just how much you do have and you will realize how lucky you actually are.
Hi Michel,
Building self-confidence can be a short or long process, as it was a few years ago, but it is not difficult. At least not today with so many strategies and techniques that give positive results in such a short time. Some of them work directly on the subconscious, while others are psychological triggers, such as posture adjustment, social activities, gratitude, use of imagination and visualization, etc. These are simple techniques that each of us has access to.
The difficult times that the whole world has gone through and are still going through have had a strong mental and emotional impact. Therefore, only people who really know themselves, who know how to control their emotions and mind, have managed to remain neutral and bring a positive influence to others.
I appreciate your contribution, Michel. Thank you for stopping by.
Hi Diane, I recently had a long-term marriage break down with the result that my self confidence has nose dived. So I found your post particularly helpful. I suddenly feel like a failure and as if I am not good enough, although my 2 boys keep on telling me that I am ace and that I will be okay again.
I love the section about having your self confidence at your fingertips and I know exactly where that”safe” place is for me. I will certainly try this exercise. I have found loads of value in here and I am sure many others will love your advise and ideas.
Hi,
Of course you’ll be more than okay, Line. Trust your boys. Think about them, think that it is not a time of recovery only for you, but also for them. You have to be strong for them too, or at least create that recovery power together.
I’m really sorry for the period you’re going through. I know the feeling, considering that I went through the same experience 21 years ago.
I know that you are a strong woman, with a lot of self-confidence, only that the experience you go through has shaken your confidence a little bit.
Keep in mind that this is the perfect moment to spend some time alone. Meditate, do activities that bring you good mood and positive vibes, socialize, put your thoughts and life in order, and you will see how you will regain your inner strength. You already have it, you just have to find it again!
I wish for you many blessings, and I will tell you only that: when you see yourself as a little kitty, trick your mind to see you as feroce lion.😉
Hello Diana, Your article on how to build self-confidence was extremely interesting and full of great advice. I am fortunate in that I have never lacked confidence, but have many friends who view themselves in a slightly negative way. I particularly enjoyed reading the sections on “Imagine Your Confident Future Self” and “Develop a Growth Mindset”. I just know that your suggestions and advice are going to be so well received. Thanks.
Hi Jenni,
Most people feel full of self-confidence in some aspects of life, and less so in others.
In this case, you are wonder woman if you have self-confidence on all levels of your life. What is your secret?😀
Anyway, thanks for the appreciation, and for stopping by.
Thank you! This to me felt like such a perfect article. Tons of techniques and superb insights. Love it, love it, love it.
Personally, I’m well familiar with the first one. I mean, it’s my go-to technique whenever there’s something scary or daunting that I need to do. Chest up, shoulders down and back, chin leveled, a little spark in the eyes, etc. It has served me so well over the years; for everything starting from public speaking to court hearings to meeting with high-level executives. Let your physiology lead your psychology is what one of my early mentors taught me. It has worked wonders for me.
But I will, for sure, explore some of the other ones you suggested. For example, that second one was sick. Plus, I already have a bunch of ideas about what could be my anchor. 🙂
Thank you!!!!
Hi Matiss,
I’m glad you liked the article and the techniques and tips provided. Thank you for appreciation.
It is amazing how a simple body posture can create changes at the psychological level. In this case, to rewire self-confidence, and create that apparent confidence under which the world around can perceive you.
Also, most people have created confident anchors without realizing what they are. All the objects they carry, or the gestures they make, considered “lucky bearers” are in fact anchors that trick the subconscious, and give them that power and confidence that they will succeed no matter what.
Just let me know how the other techniques work for you.😉
Beautiful article regarding self-confidence. This theme is something I always think about, not only about myself, but we do live in a social world and when your couple or boss is a low confidence person, it tends to affect you in some way. This is really a good article and I would recommend it to everyone!
Thanks again!
Hi Johnny,
Thank you for stopping by. Indeed, when you have people around you who lack self-confidence, there is a possibility that they will influence you as well. Only if you have a very strong self-confidence, and you can change things around to induce confidence in them.😉
I struggle with self-confidence every day and have for my whole life. I have found that the confidence posture that you talk about is very helpful. It creates a poise of confidence that projects outward and indicates to others that I’m capable so they treat me as such.
When I feel bad about myself or am scared I’ll fail at some project, I simply tell myself why I can succeed by “listing” in my head all the qualities I have that will help me succeed. I think this is some mashup of NLP and positive inner dialog but it works for me.
As for imagining my confident future self, I’m not quite there yet but I keep working on it. As you say, just get out there. Thank you for posting!
Hi Cynthia,
There are so many areas in which we must act that it is impossible to treat them all with the same level of self-confidence. Some of them we handle with complete confidence, and at some of them we completely lack in it.
The important thing is to find ways that work for you to build your confidence. Either you master a skill by continuous repetition until you do it with full confidence, or by using the little tricks I listed in the article.
Thank you for stopping by.