“Every day try to become the best version of yourself!”
These are the word my father used to say to me, which and today, they lead me in my personal and professional life.
WHEN THE PAST PURSUE THE PRESENT
Do you remember that as a teenager everyone asked you what you wanted and liked to do, what school you wanted to attend or what career?
All the answers to those questions did not coincide with the period of your transformation as an adult. What you liked and wanted to do then, has changed completely with what you do or you want now.
The problem is that the moment you become adult, no one asks you these things anymore. This responsibility has been transferred to you, and most of the time you are confused or you do not know what you want.
Even if you have a vague desire to improve your life, to have a clear overview of where you are heading, you often feel as though something is holding you back.
You feel trapped in a loop, in which you live a monotonous, repetitive life, but hoping for a different result.
Certainly, if in the past were things that you wanted and did not turn into reality, it is because, in one form or another, you blocked their way to you. The same formula applies and at present.
The human body is a generator of emotions, which you need to know and to learn to manage them, to make them an ally who will work for you, and not you, to be in control of them.
At the moment in which the less pleasant emotions take over you, those shadow behaviors appear resistant to change, which blocks your personal and professional performance and productivity.
That part of your personality is formed, which contains all those aspects that you do not want to admit that you own or that you live.
That is why I suggest you avoid:
10 THINGS THAT HOLD YOU BACK FROM BECOMING THE BEST VERSION OF YOURSELF
THE FAKE PERSONA
Have you ever wondered about the role of how many people do you play in different circumstances during a day? Very few people keep their true selves, both in their homes and in society.
Due to the expectations of society and the media, which constantly tells you how you should look, act and feel, it makes you question your own opinions, your Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence decrease, making you dependent on the approval of others.
You are so influenced by the changes of the outside world, that you change your behavior, you create fake personas to hide the true self, and to please society.
• You wear a smiling mask, when in fact your soul is crying.
• You use a mask of success and excellence, when inside you devalue and consider yourself incapable.
• You appear as positive person in the eyes of some, when in fact your negativity pushes you to the precipice.
• You victimize yourself in front of others, just to get a little attention.
• You wear the mask of happiness, when in fact your life is a continuous struggle.
• You play the role of empathy, when your heart is ice.
• You expose social relationships, when in fact the darkness of loneliness pushes you into depression and anxiety.
There are so many masks that you have been using for a long time, that you do not know who you are anymore.
You have lost your identity, personality and your “voice”.
It is better the people to hate you for who you really are, then to love you for somebody that you are not.
So, give up all the masks and expose your true Self. Recover your Self-Confidence, stand up for your own opinions, and “raise your voice” so that everyone can hear you.
And to quote Dr. Seuss:
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind do not matter, and those who matter do not mind.”
I KNOW IT ALL!
You are guided by the tendency to believe that you already know everything, that is not necessary to learn new things in different aspects of your life.
By bringing nothing new to your knowledge, all you do is continually repeat what you know.
But unfortunately, the result will be the same for you, both personally and professionally.
“If you are not learning, growing and evolving who you were yesterday, who you will be tomorrow is going to be no better.”
Successful people always read, listen, and never stop learning. You need to feed and to expand your mind with new information, and to rise to a new level in your life, to bring new sparks inside you.
Give up your ego, learn, listen, read books, ask questions, keep getting informed, do research and grow as a person.
“In this world, you are either growing or you are dying; so get in motion and grow.” Lou Holtz.
THE COMFORT ZONE
It creates a sense of security, of relaxation, without stress, which detaches you from what is happening around you.
In reality, it is just an illusion, a barrier imposed by you, over which it is difficult to overcome, only to not lose the feeling of the minimal effort that is offered to you. All this does nothing but shadow your potential in developing you.
“The true tragedy in most people’s lives is that they are far better than they imagine themselves to be, and as a result end up being much less than they might be.” Earl R. Smith II
Life is not just pleasure and comfort, your purpose in this life is not just to be born, to live reactively and to die.
Do something meaningful for you, with your life. Share a part of your soul, of your time, a part of your knowledge. Do not waste your life. Make your life a meaningful purpose.
Be proactive, understand the status where are you now, know where you want to reach, devise a plan, and make it a reality.
“Show the world you are not here to just pass through. Leave great footprints wherever you pass and be remembered for the change you initiate.” Israelmore Ayivor.
THE SHADOW OF FEAR
Fear it acts first on the mental level, creating unrealistic information, which your brain transfers later, into an emotional stage.
There are many types of fears, but when it comes to personal and professional development, they appear in the form of fear of failure, fear of success, and fear of making mistakes.
Each time you create your unrealistic scenario:
What if I will do mistakes?
What if it does not work?
What if I will lose money?
Many “What if” negatives, but once you do not ask yourself:
“What if this really works?”
Fear dominates you emotionally, but if you face it, you conquer it. Do not deny and do not hide it; become aware of it and gradually overcome it.
“I love the smell of success in the Shadows of Failures.”
SYMPATHY FOR EXCUSES
“Ninety – nine percent of the failures comes from people who have the habit of making excuses.” George Washington
I do not have time.
I do not have experience.
I do not know how.
You do not want to accept that what you are doing is seeking excuses, justifying yourself for your failures and your lack of confidence.
Do you want to make changes?
Do you want to reach your goals?
You can find endless excuses, but why not find at least one reason, why you should do all this?
BLAME – SENSE OF CHAOS
I am not talking about blaming yourself. But looking at you, at your failures, your dissatisfaction, you do not want to accept that you are responsible for your life, only one who sets the directions and path for your destination.
That is why you blame others for your unhappiness.
” Blaming others takes time and energy from improving yourself.”
But do not forget that pointing a finger to a person, another three are pointing to you.
So, stop blaming, take responsibility for your actions, understand the power of change, and do something different.
THE SHADOW OF ENVY
Lack of self-confidence and self-esteem will lead you down the path of envy. It will dominate you, it will make you waste your time and energy, chasing after the goals of others and forgetting about your own goals and values.
Do not compare yourself or your actions with those of others. Create your own goals, and to progress surround yourself with those who improve you, and not with those who imitate you.
” Our envy always lasts longer than the happiness of those envies.”
You are focused so much on being accepted into society, that you want to please everyone, to be available for everyone, and it is very hard for you to refuse.
But in this case, you do nothing but neglect yourself, living a life for others while losing your own.
If you want to be able to help others, first you need to help and love yourself.
“When you start doing things for yourself rather than always trying to please others, that is when you know, you are truly happy.”
CARING WHAT OTHER THINK
“Care about people’s approval, and you will always be their prisoner.” Lao Tzu.
If you are that person which is worry about what other people think about you or your actions, then always their opinion will stop you to do what you think is right for you, and will prevent you from growing as a person.
Do not lower your expectations just to fit into the world. Listen your intuition and will allow you to make better decisions.
“It takes courage to grow up and to become who you really are.” E. E. Cummings
DO IT YOURSELF!
Do you not trust in somebody else, or do you think that the work of others is not valuable?
Let me tell you something. You can embrace your life journey being alone, to fight the battles and to defeat any challenge alone, to walk into the wild unknown alone.
All this will give you strength and courage. You will learn to know and value yourself, and to be aware of your weaknesses.
The lonely road is not the easy one, and is not for everybody. Can you succeed? The answer is yes. But it will be a very tough road, with many obstacles, which will take a lot of time and will consume a lot of energy.
On the other hand, the work in the team is more easier, successful, and more fun.The teamwork will make your dream work!
So, be wise in choosing your own path!
And to quote CM Punk:
”The do-it-yourself lifestyle is something that I have translated into wrestling.”
MY FINAL THOUGHTS…
- Avoiding using Fake persona masks, you will become aware of a vision of your own person by how you perceive your own role in relationships with others.
- Accept the self-improvement through the process of self-love, change, and evolution. Build your self-confidence, take responsibilities, realize your value and how you can positively affect the world around you.
“Becoming the best version of yourself, you will become an attraction magnet for others.”
I hope you enjoyed the article, and I would love to hear your opinion or your short story in becoming the best version of yourself.
Till next time…
Choose The Best You!
~ Diana D. ~
Founder of Dare & Be.
This post has been really useful. Thank you very much for all the points you stated here. But I would like to highlight one that has really helped me. And it’s working around our tendency of being guided to believe that we already know everything. This is terrible because it hinders our opportunity to grow.
Thank you for stopping by. I agree with you. As long as we live with the false impression that we are omniscient, and that we do not need to assimilate other knowledge, we limit ourselves from the beginning the opportunity for personal development.
Hello there, this is a very great article! Sometimes I feel like with the demands of society, it prevents people from becoming their best selves. I really like the 10 things that you mentioned that hold us back and they are really true. The comfort zone was one that took me a long time to get out of but sometimes I do feel it creeping in sneakily. Pleasing others was one that I had trouble with too. I think a lot of these are quite relatable actually. Thanks for creating this post!
Thank you for stopping by, and I appreciate your input through this comment. Unfortunately, the two issues you mentioned are some of the most common that many people face. As long as you are aware that these issues are creeping into your life, you will always be able to overcome them by will.
Hi, these are all excellent points. I think we can all see ourselves in these issues to some extent or other. I think in some respects it can be hard to judge with any degree of confidence whether we fall on one side of these issues or the other. And in some sense, dwelling on these issues can lead to a lack of confidence and to questioning our sincerity.
As an example, how can you be really sure that you are showing your really true self? let’s say that you are mostly spontaneous and natural in your behavior and all seems fine, but then you get into self-analysis or some form of deep therapy and you discover some personality traits that stem from childhood trauma. Then through therapy may be taking years, you resolve those deep-rooted issues now you are someone different. Now maybe your behavior changes, you become more natural and more spontaneous, and less inhibited. Does that mean that your behavior beforehand was fake?
I think the conceptual problem I am having is that this assumes total knowledge of ourselves. But none of us has total self-knowledge unless we are enlightened like Buddha. I agree with the principles that you lay down here, but I think they are relative directions that we can usefully orientate ourselves towards rather than absolute standards that we have to meet. For the simple reason that to actually meet those standards we would need total knowledge. That is not an assumption I would be inclined to make. Not for myself at least.
Best regards, Andy
Thank you very much for your appreciation and for your contribution through this comment. Each of us has faced, or still faces, some of these issues listed in the article. You brought up a very sensitive point, that of stopping on these issues, analyzing them, and discovering the truth behind them.
All these steps of becoming aware of a problem, of understanding why it exists, and what you will do to correct or change it, will lead you to a better Self-Awareness. Indeed, Self-Knowledge can bring fear to what you will be able to discover. But only in this way, you will be able to truly be yourself in any circumstance, you will be able to break certain mental and emotional blockages, and you will bring substantial positive changes in your personal and professional life, with every thought, perception and action taken.
On the other hand, when you ignore these aspects, your essence remains the same, and on the surface you continue to use these masks depending on each circumstance.
A fake person is one who consciously and deliberately uses these masks to bring him a benefit, to “look” good in one form or another, in different situations. A very common example is the relationship between boss and employee. That employee can’t stand his boss in any way, but he uses a smiling, docile, friendly mask, just to look good in his eyes. Its essence is the same, but on the surface it wears a mask.
In your example, you hypothetically used the phrase “you are mostly natural and spontaneous.” But you didn’t say “you’re a natural, spontaneous person.” The difference between the two gives you the hypothetical answer to the question.
To understand the difference, I will give myself as an example. What you see in me, that’s how I am. I am very direct and transparent as a person. I always say, and I said things by name, whether it was my boss, parent, life partner, client, or friend. This is my natural essence. It doesn’t mean that I didn’t have my emotional baggage that I had to work with. But this does not make me a fake person.
For Self-Knowledge you do not have to be enlightened like Buddha. It is indeed a process that requires you to be open to change, to realize that you need that change, and to allocate the necessary time and commitment to complete the process.
You can do this by yourself through Meditation, as I, and millions of other people around the world do!
I think this article can bring you more information related to the topic.
Hey there Diana. I read through your “about” and learned about the challenges you’ve faced in life. Isn’t it amazing how life has its way of challenging each and every one of us? I can tell you draw from your experience by the way you write.
Letting go of envy is something I’ve been working on over the past few years. My mother raised me to look at other people as competitors, not collaborators. It wasn’t her fault, she was born poor and had to work her butt off to get where she is. Competing with others was how she gauged her success. But now that I’m an adult I’ve realized that mindset only holds me back.
I’m in the habit of watching my thoughts consistently. When one appears which is judgmental/envious I remind myself that I’m judging/experiencing envy and I forgive myself by telling myself that the thought is a manifestation of my “conditioned self”, my “fake persona”, as you put it. It isn’t ME.
I’m not perfect, nor will I ever be, but doing that has indeed allowed me to slowly let go of my envy.
Keep on writing from the heart,
Thank you for taking the time to read a small part of my life story. Life is a challenge in general that can bring us down, or lift us up. The result is different from person to person, depending on how we perceive the challenge, and how we respond to it.
My articles are a combination of personal experience, with a very high percentage of professional experience. In the therapy sessions I have with my clients, I often encounter the problems I have reported in this article. There are many people who still face these issues, and as long as they do not overcome them, they will always be an impediment to their own progress.
I’m glad you shared your own experience. Being also a parent, I can understand your mother’s attitude, to a certain degree. In general, as parents, we want the best for our children, we want them to be as successful as possible, and we can often unconsciously push them into negative actions, just to get what WE WANT FOR THEM. This is the real problem.
The important thing is that you are aware of the emotions you have. As long as you realize that they exists, and you define them, you will always be able to overcome them and correct them in a positive way. You’re on the right track, Erick, try not to deviate from it.
Also if you want, you can read my article about envy.
Yes there are a few of these I need to work on for sure. I definitely care what others think and I also like to please everyone else over myself. To a degree, I think it is okay. But I usually get walked on and taken advantage of. Great advice and 10 good points for sure.
In my opinion, it is important to distinguish between what people who weigh heavily in your life, and who make a positive contribution to you, think about you, and the rest of the world. The problem arises when the opinion of the world in general weighs heavily for you. But even in the first case, the circumstances may be different, and your power to rationalize is the best answer.
For example, there may be circumstances in which a family member may have a wrong opinion of you, supported by their own way of perceiving you. But that doesn’t mean this is the reality, and here comes your power of opinion.
In the second situation where you like to please everyone, you will not have time to please yourself. Everything must be done in moderation. First of all, you have to live your own life, and that has to be in a much higher percentage than that to please everyone.
Thank you for your input, and for appreciation. You are welcome anytime to come back for new updates.
These are some great tips you have got on here. We all have to do our best to be the best version of oneself. For example Every morning, make a list of the 3 most important things you have to do for the day that will make the largest impact. This helps to cut out the noise and forces you to prioritize. For example, the top 3 things on my list today were to host a training, attend two executive meetings and write 2 articles. I completed all 3. #Priorities
Pleasure to see you here. Thank you for your appreciation and for your point of view.
I am glad to see that you have your own ritual, which keeps you on top. Some people preferred to do this list in the evening, so in the morning they have time to do their morning routine, and after starting the activity itself.
There are a lot of solid tips on how to improve yourself in this article like trying to find out different things from other people and also the ability to know that you need to do everything yourself. Once you realize that everything is in your control then you begin to have a much better grip on your life.
Hi Jon, thank you for stopping by and for sharing your opinion.
Each process of self-improvement implies an awareness of the need to make changes, and especially the contribution that each individual is willing to brink in this process.
So yes, is true. Everything you keep under your control, will bring a better grip on your life.
You have a very unique way of discussing this topic. I agree with a lot of what you say and a lot of what you say has me thinking. I thought initially that I maight use fake persona’s with some people but then I thought that maybe they are not fake persona’s but just aspects of myself. For example, Deb the employee is different to Deb the mother or Deb the daughter or Deb the wife. I do portray a confident persona at work because that is the mindset that I want to cultivate. Yes I have negative moments but I try not to dwell on them because they will just drag me down. Thank you for making me think about these things 🙂
Hello Deb, welcome on my website. Thank you for stopping by.
This article it is Indeed a ” food” for the brain. The idea that I wanted to highlight related to fake persona, is that many people have lost their own personality, hidding behind these fake persona.
Personally, I am a very transparent person. For example you can notice if I am happy, sad, in good or bad mood.
That I am not influenced by negative feeling, is because I decided to change my mood, but it doesn’t not mean that I deny them.
Thank you so much for this wonderful article. Your article really motivates me. After reading your article I realized the mistakes of my life.it’s changed my mindset. thank you so much.it’s really inspired me. These 10 things really help me a lot to do something in life and will be becoming the best version of myself. Really you wrote a very motivational speech. This article also helps people who cannot change their life for stress and problems and also do not understand what to do in life.
Hello Mamun, I appreciate your kind words.
I am glad that my article is an inspiration and an motivation for you. This means that it gives you a landmark to review certain personal aspects.
Hello, I really want to first appreciate your effort in putting this great website together and writing this article. the act of improving on one’s self is a concious act that we must follow and work with everyday. your pictures speaks so much more and this is really a great post. thank you
Hello again, Benny. I am happy to see you back. Thank you for your appreciation.
If my articles are considered an inspiration and a motivation for my readers, then it means I do my duty properly.
We’re trained to please others and convey generally accepted moral and behavioral norms. We should never forget you are your first love; if you’re not capable to love yourself then you’ll never be able to love anybody else.
We should never compare to others, always compare with yourself in other time. The only constant in life is that everything changes all the time. If you understand that you’re static, most likely you’re moving backwards.
After love, fear is the most powerful and destructive feelings in live. We need to trust as babies and the universe will compensate us.
I appreciate your analysis based on my article. Thank you for your opinion.
The change is inevitable. Growth is optional. So it depends on each one, if he/ she is aware of the stage where is, and at what level he/she wants to reach.
Great post! Nowadays a lot of people depends on others’ opinion, have many faces, or pretend they know everything ( ” smart ones”) but, actually they have to learn a lot. In my opinion, they think, if they have family or a good job they don’t need to improve themselves spiritually or learn something new. ( scared to go out of comfort zone).
I know I’m not perfect at English so, I decided to improve and sighed in the Wealthy Affiliate blog. I am happy, learned a lot, I met new people who willing to help if I need it.
Thanks, I hope someone will read your article and will change the mind.
Thank you very much for your appreciation. It is true. I know personally many of this kind of people.That is why I wrote this article.
It is an alarm signal, and I just hope the right persons will cross with my article.
Will be an “open eyes” for who want to see their reality.
Thank you so much for sharing with us such a beautiful article. I’m glad I found it. After reading your article, I understood that we need to improve constantly ourselves and to improve our lives. I will try to apply in my life the solutions which you gave us for the 10 steps. I think it will help me to improve myself. Thanks for sharing your advice. I will definitely share it with my friends. My best wishes to be always with you.
Thank you for stopping by. I am glad that you consider taking my advice, and reconfiguring your life. I would love to hear more about your personal improvement process.
Best of luck.
When I went through your article, I started seeing some points you made that reflected my past life. Truly, there are some things that prevent us from becoming the better version of ourselves, and sometimes we don’t want to admit them.
I had the problem of caring what others think, what they will feel about my actions; if they will be annoyed with me, just a lot of things to present myself as one they would love to do things with. It was terrible especially among my peers.
I can say that there are lots of folks out there going through this. They need to be talked to. Some of them really have a hard time getting out of that situation. Your article will definitely help things out.
Deep analogy in your words. Thank you for sharing.
Unfortunately, it is true. More and more people are losing their own identity, just to please society.
This can happen through social media, in the group of friends or co-workers.
I really hope this article will be read by as many people as possible.
I will be available to every person who needs my professional help.
Thank you for sharing this great article. You pointed very important things to us.
Many times I have tried to do and to change some things in my life, but I don’t know why, always something was stopping me from doing that.
But after reading this article I understiood that I need to be more confident in myself, to raise my point of view, and to take more action.
Thanks again for such a beautiful article.
Thank you for stopping by.
I appreciate your insights from your life which you shared with us. I am glad that my article gave you that boost to reconsider some aspects of your life.
You are on the good track. Keep going!
Wow this post really touches some challenging aspects of living. I’ve learnt to figure out most of these things on my own, from my own experiences. It can be difficult to live up to that standard, trying to become your possible best at all times.
These attitudes that you believe we must avoid in order to become our best selves are simply on point. At one point, we find ourselves guilty of one or more of them. Perhaps, the most prevalent of them is the need to please others. I have personally struggled to rid myself of that ugly attitude.
I don’t believe you stand any chance of becoming your best self if you still need the approval of others.
I am glad to see you here. Thank you very much for your time and for your appreciation.
This article is a really food for the mind.
My aim was to bring some clarity into this topic.
Many people live a life under the limitations that I pointed to in my article.
When they set free from the prison of these limitations, then they can say that truly lives their own lives, they can get a vision of their goals, and strength to put them in the action.
Thank you so much for sharing with us such a beautiful article. As a kid, my dad used to say one thing every day. Try to be the best version of yourself, and today I read this again through your article.
This is very helpful in our personal and professional life.
What I used to think about when I was a kid, has made a lot of difference with how I am thinking now, as I get older.
I could see through your article that I found the things which prevented me from being the best version of myself; the FAKE PERSONA, I KNOW IT ALL, THE COMFORT ZONE, THE SHADOW OF FEAR, SYMPATHY FOR EXCUSES, SENSE OF CHAOS, etc. and you gave me the solution to overcome this obstacles.
I gained a lot of knowledge from here.
All of this give me strength, courage, to learn how to love myself and to be aware of my weaknesses.
I have found the best version of the life through your article. Really nice.
I hope I will get something better in the future.
Goood luck to you, too.
My pleasure to share with all of you, my readers.
It seems we have the same principle that guides us in life. I am happy that you discovered through my article, the real reasons which holds you back, and I hope you will take actions to change that.
Be more confident in yourself and in your values.
Best of luck!
Thank you for this very inspiring article about becoming the best version of yourself. I went through all of your points and they are all valid and very important.
The problem is that it takes time and effort to work on all of those. I do yoga meditation every day and I believe that it will help me to unite with my real Self and in this way I’ll become the best version of myself (I’ll realize myself). What do you think about it?
I appreciate your kind words. Thank you for them.
A self improvement always takes time and personal effort. As any action, is involve patience, perseverance and commitment.
I am glad that you can feel the power of meditation, and yes, this for sure will help you reconnect with your True Self.
In this way, you will know your strength, you will learn to love and appreciate yourself, and from here, all the aspects will flow naturally.